Family and friends

A number of things can affect whether and how you tell your family and friends that you are living with HIV: your relationship with them, when they should hear, cultural issues, and so on.

Relationships

The type of relationship you have with your family and friends will affect whether you decide to tell them. If you haven’t shared much personal information until now, do you want to share this?

On the other hand, if there is someone you’re close to who has been helpful in the past, this person could be supportive now. Is there someone who accepts you, loves you, respects your privacy, is a good listener, and is practical, sensible and reliable?

Who first?

Keeping an important secret from people you are close to could be stressful. If you decide to tell them, it's important to think about when to do so: somebody might feel hurt to have found out after other people have been told. In other cases it will do no harm for them to find out later.

Culture

In some cultures and families, it may be very difficult to discuss having HIV, because of the fears and myths people have about HIV. You may find it easier to talk to just a few people who you are sure you can trust. Remember that you can always get support through HIV organisations or peer support groups.

Whatever their culture, people you tell may have exaggerated worries about HIV and might need some reassurance. Family and friends will be comforted to know that you’re getting good healthcare, that you’re taking care of yourself, and that you know where to get support. 

Children

If you are a parent, you’re probably already thinking about whether to tell your children. They may be alarmed by the news. They might not be able to keep the news to themselves, and this might cause problems for you and for your children.

But children can be perceptive, and may have already guessed that something is going on. Depending on their age, you may be able to give them some basic, clear explanations, adding more detail as time goes on.

People you live with

It may be difficult to keep doctor’s appointments, medicines or periods of illness a secret from people you live with. But if you tell them, they may have needless worries about the risks of infection. 

To reassure them, you could give them written information about how HIV is transmitted. Or you could suggest that they talk to someone at THT Direct: our service is open to anyone with concerns or questions about HIV.