Finding Out and Moving On

My name's Alison and I am a 28 year old heterosexual living near the south coast in England. I am pretty sure I became HIV positive after a very unpleasant gap year experience in Africa when I was 19. On my return home, my GP arranged my HIV test and made sure that a local health advisor was available when I got my results to give me and my mother support. This was all handled really sensitively but was an incredibly stressful and traumatic experience in itself.

Since then my health has been fine and I am monitored by my local GUM clinic a couple of times a year. I am lucky that I still haven't needed to go onto medication and I really hope this situation lasts as long as possible.

I have told my closest friends and family and they have been great... but they don't really know what it is like to live with HIV. Over time I have managed to think about it less and less as this helps me not to worry and lets me get on with my life. But from time to time I get really scared about getting really ill - I guess I am a bit paranoid - and I do sink into a bit of a gloomy mood about it all.

I haven't experienced discrimination, but that is because I haven't been very open about my status. I really fear discrimination and prejudice and this stops me from being open with most people and probably adds to the isolation I feel. I feel stuck with my job as I know that they have an HIV - non-disclosure and non-discrimination policy and a good pension. I don't know what I would face in another job.

I only know one other HIV positive person - who I met through the GUM clinic I was monitored at whilst I was at university. It made such a big difference meeting someone else who knew what I was going through.

The hardest thing was telling subsequent boyfriends. If you don't tell, you aren't having an honest relationship so how can you really go anywhere with it? If you do tell and it's early days and doesn't work out, that is someone out there you can't really trust who knows something about you which they could use to ruin your life. It would make me feel so vulnerable.

I was so incredibly lucky to meet my now husband. I told him straight away. It was a gamble, but it meant that we were honest with each other from the start. He has been great and even got some information leaflets from THT to learn more about HIV. It makes me so sad that I will never be able to have unprotected sex with him.