Ready for sex?

When you get together with somebody you'll often start out by kissing and then over time move onto more intimate activities. Foreplay is the word we use to describe the kissing and sexual touching in the lead up to having penetrative sex, and can involve all kinds of sexual contact. It's a really good way of getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes, and is a big part of getting in the mood physically and emotionally. It can also be about building trust with your partner.

These things can cause you to feel sexually aroused which will be different for boys and girls. Boys will get an erection when they're aroused. This means their penis will get hard. For girls it's a bit different - their vagina will feel wet.

When we get aroused sexually it's often very difficult not to move onto having penetrative sex - all kinds of reactions in your body have been set in motion and sometimes they are hard to resist. It might be better to make the choice to have sex when your ready rather than just let it happen though.

Deciding to have sex can be a really big decision and it is important that you don’t feel rushed into things before you feel completely ready. Remember, it is your body and your life and you should not feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do.

Peer pressure

Often it can feel like everyone else around you is having sex, which can make you feel like you should be doing it too. Remember though that there is a big difference between talking about having sex and actually having sex, and that most young people don’t have sex for the first time until they are 16 or older.

If you loved me

Often it is not our friends who pressure us into having sex, but our boyfriend or girlfriend. It is important to realise that if you don’t want to have sex you don’t have to justify your decision; it is your body and up to you. Not having sex before you are ready does not mean that you are selfish, or that you don’t love or care for your boyfriend or girlfriend, but it does show that you are confident about what is right for you. If your partner cares about you and your feelings then they will respect your decision and not try to make you do something you feel uncomfortable with.

First time

If you do want to have sex and are exploring taking things further in your relationship, that’s fine too. What’s important is that you know how to protect yourself, or your partner, from unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and HIV, and that you are able to talk to your partner about having safer sex.

Having sex for the first time can be a bit scary, but remember it is normal to feel nervous and unsure of what you are doing; after all it is something that you have never done before and you might not get it quite right the first time! First time sex is unlikely to be perfect, so try to relax and not take it too seriously.

Does it hurt?

For women, having vaginal sex for the first time may be a little painful and it is likely that you will bleed a little. This is because having vaginal sex for the first time usually stretches or tears your hymen, skin folds that are near the entrance to the vagina. Sex is likely to be more pleasurable and comfortable if you take your time and make sure that there is plenty of lubrication.

For men or women, having anal sex for the first time may be a little painful, and it is not unusual to bleed a little. If you are going to have anal sex, take your time and use plenty of lubrication. Some people find that being penetrated with fingers at first helps.