Coming out

Coming out is the phrase used to describe the process of someone who is gay, bisexual or transgender being open with the people around them about their sexuality or gender identity. This can be a difficult process for people and they may be worried that others will treat them differently once they know. Even though it can be scary, most people feel coming out is very important as it means that they can be honest about how they feel and not keep an important part of their life hidden.

Getting to know yourself

One of the very first steps of coming out is acknowledging to youself what your sexual preferences or your gender identity are. This may sound really obvious, but for lots of people admitting to themselves that they are gay, bisexual, lesbian or transgender can be hard for lots of reasons.

It could be because they have been brought up to think that being one of these things is wrong, or because they are worried about being teased or bullied. If you are not sure if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you may find it helpful to talk to someone you trust about your feelings.

Who to tell?

When you are first coming out the most sensible option is to tell someone who you trust and who you think will be supportive and understanding. It will probably help if they are someone who can keep a secret, as you may not want other people finding out before you are feeling comfortable and confident about your sexuality or gender identity. This person could be a close friend, family member or a trusted adult such as a teacher or youth worker.

Will it change things?

Hopefully coming out will change things for the better for you, as you will not feel that there is a big part of your life that people do not know about. Many people describe feeling relieved that they can be open and honest about how they feel.

However, there can be a downside to coming out, as you may come across people, including friends and family, who are homophobic (prejudiced against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people) who might make you feel angry, upset or scared. You might experience discrimination.

This is why it can be helpful to tell a small group of trusted people first, as that way you will feel supported and have people to talk to about how things are going.

Take your time

Remember, if you are not sure of how you feel about your sexuality or gender identity, there is no hurry to make your mind up or tell people. Coming out is a very individual thing and it is important to do it in your own way and in your own time.

• You can find out more about coming out on our YGM website