Discrimination and support in Yorkshire

Since I was first diagnosed in May I have had to face a most difficult time. Although one member of my family was initially very helpful towards me, I became more and more aware that something had happened in respect to my relationships with close friends, who had been contacted. I'm not really sure what happened but suffice to say they are no longer friends, close or otherwise.

At the same time they kept saying "Dan, you're not fit enough to work, study, travel, drink or drive." In short, I had been disabled.

Getting support

Initially, I believed I was getting support. Had it not been for the help I got from THT Yorkshire, the staff in LGI and the men's group I would have been effectively isolated, marginalised and left on of a sort of homophobic slagheap. But as a result of the drug therapy my viral load is undetectable and my CT count getting better by the day. I am sure that the help and support I have got from THT has had a great deal to do with my success.

We are lucky to have a group leader who does a wonderful job supporting each of the men's group. He encourages us all to build self-esteem and to be honest, open and witty with each other. Its strength is in its openness and variety of members, their willingness to be frank and open. Above all, though, it's characterised by a wicked sense of humour and genuine affection. We're all such different people and take strength from that: we're all close through the honesty which permeates the group.

I have now managed to start driving lessons through a Cruise Aid grant, and have started a post graduate course. I am also starting a worthwhile part-time job with an American multinational finance company and making some medium-term plans for my life.

Supporting others

It's interesting to reflect on what makes the THT men's group so effective. We all come at it from different angles, but personally I think it works because there are a smallish number of participants; we all go as regularly as we can; we all get something out of it; we give and expect support from others; we're willing to learn from each other; and because we worry when someone can't be there.

The group isn't the place for the political and human rights agenda which is something for different forums. There's a whole lot of work to be done at local, national and international levels to make sure that discrimination because of HIV status is explicitly outlawed. We need to systematise the good practice developed by THT in these 20 years and, above all, be grateful that we've got so far, while we remember those who haven't.