October 2011

As titles go, this one doesn’t have quite the same ring as a Whitney Houston torch song, but its how I have been feeling all day.

When I woke this morning I was just glad to be feeling healthier than I have in a fortnight. And then I logged onto Twitter and Facebook. A friend had shared a screenshot taken of someone’s tweet. The tweet was by a guy called David who is a 29-year-old hotel manager from Wigan, living in Manchester and is self-described as a "Homo-Sexual".

While watching X-Factor on Sunday, when Jonny Robertson was put through to the live shows, David posted a tweet saying, "Can’t believe the Aids Victim got through on #xfactor." When I checked this guy's bio I was horrified to discover that this comment had been made by a gay man.

As horrified as I was I shook my head at first. But then I started to read some of the comments that were posted below the picture on my friend’s page. For the most part they were comments that were equal parts disbelief and disgust. But one guy was making comments such as "you gays are all so over the top, the guy (David) can say whatever he wants" and "its not like he was going out gay bashing or hurting little kids" he went on to mock the people who were posting in the thread and told everyone to calm down.

My blood was at this point beginning to boil; there was no way at this stage I was not going to get involved in this raucous debate. And the next few paragraphs are my response:

As a gay man who has lived with the HIV virus for 4 years I find so much about the original quote from Mr. Edwards unacceptable but also the comments from a guy called Kyle.

Living with this virus everyday has made me realise how much work we still have to do in our own community. We frequently minoritise ourselves within what is already a minority community. To call someone a victim based on the tone of their voice and the slenderness of their frame is DISGUSTING. But for Kyle to think that the righteous outrage from people is OTT is just ignorance.

Everyday gay men and women (affected by HIV or infected with HIV) struggle the world over for acceptance. While there are attitudes like this rearing their ugly heads to spew vile rhetoric that hurts not only their own image but also that of the community as a whole. We have a long way to go.

Personally I don't think of myself as a victim. But as a survivor. I have to fight everyday for my place in the world, as do millions of others.

David should know better. And Kyle should really stop and be a little more mindful with his comments, which are clearly attention seeking.

The debate has rumbled on for the remainder of the day, and I have been accused with fostering HIV as my own personal crusade. And of enjoying the status of being POZ, the same guy who said these things also implied that gay men are the cause of their own destruction and could not be seen as victims as really it was their own fault for catching the virus in the first place. Victims are apparently people who catch life threatening illnesses through no fault of their own. It has also been said that I, or indeed the many others who were upset by the original comment, would not be upset if he has said, "I cannot believe that DIABETIC got through."

Personally I don’t think calling someone a diabetic can be seen in any way as incendiary or slanderous but maybe I am being over sensitive.

Having spent last weekend at a conference baring my soul to the Samaritans about depression and HIV, I have had a strange lethargic week. Almost as if I had said all I could on any of these subjects. But today as made me realise that we do have a long way to go.

When gay men feel that it is appropriate to insult other gay men by using terms such as AIDS VICTIM, it makes me fear for the community we have created for ourselves. Surely none of us want to live in a world with such a complete lack of empathy.

It would seem we no longer need heterosexuals to be homophobic we are perfectly capable of doing enough damage to ourselves. And we are not helping by placing ourselves in cliques within the ‘scene’ I understand that like attracts type. So muscle boys, twinks, cubs, bears leather and alternative it seems never the twain shall me. But surely we should all be supportive enough of each other that we can at least have a drink every now and then and stop the hating…

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