January 2011

As I sat and pondered the panda’s proverb it dawned on me how pertinent the sentiment is despite the heavy dose of saccharine.

In the past I have been guilty of overly worrying about things that I can’t change and willing future events to come sooner. In short I may have wished bits of my life away and hardly ever ‘stopped to smell the roses.’

This has only changed in the last few years and I realised that the factors affecting this change have pretty much all been HIV related.

Volunteering in Malawi and experiencing HIV in the developing world and working with CHIVA (Children with HIV Association) on last years summer camp for teenagers with HIV both had a profound and humbling effect on how I view and cope with my own status.

During my time at THT in Brighton I have had the privilege of getting to know some amazing people living with HIV and sharing their experiences and journeys has also helped me to understand what being HIV+ means to me.

The combined result is that the anxieties and fears I once had over being HIV+ no longer cast a shadow as I’m able to place it all into a much bigger picture.

It’s these experiences that influenced my decision to be more open about my status which included disclosing on my gaydar profile.

Speaking of which, there have been a handful of dates with some great guys over the last month none of whom were concerned in the slightest with my status.

What a difference to have it out in the open and not have to think about when to disclose and worry about discrimination.

 It’s good to be dating again after such a long time and ‘resetting the clock’ was great fun.

A few days after Christmas I went for my latest results which were all good.

CD4 was the highest it’s been for ages at 703 and viral load continues to be undetectable.

Also had my annual STI screen despite the fact I hadn’t had sex for a year. Not a huge surprise therefore to get the all clear.

I’ve stepped up my training for the Brighton marathon which takes place in April. I’ve a few extra Christmas pounds to lose but raising funds for CHIVA’s second summer camp will be a great incentive.

I’ve also spent a lot of time with my grandparents recently as they have been poorly. They are really slowing down and it’s hard watching their world get smaller. As my Gran piled the roast spuds onto my plate she told me ‘to make sure I do everything I can while I still can’.

I reckon my Gran and Kung Fu Panda should rule the world.

Have a great month.

xx

• Read more