November 2010

Quelle surprise! I travelled with a colleague who is twenty years my senior and together we presented a rather odd looking couple as we admired the sights, conversed with the locals and wined and dined the nights away.

It was during one of these nights, when the wine had been flowing a little more heavily than usual, that I disclosed my HIV status to her.

I hadn’t planned it, the alcohol and an unusually intimate conversation about our lives as singletons kind of steered the conversation to destination disclosure.

Disclosing reminds me of buying a one way ticket, there’s no going back once you climb aboard.

It can never be unsaid and for this reason alone the decision to disclose should be extremely carefully thought out.

For a few seconds I wondered if I had done the right thing as each time I disclose it’s a bit like coming out all over again and I never know what kind of reaction I will receive.

Will I be judged, despised, rejected or patronised?

I’d say, after 9 years, I am as comfortable as I can be living with HIV and I’ve recently adopted a more open approach to who knows through writing this blog for THT and disclosing on my Gaydar profile.

However I’ve not always been this confident with disclosure and I still get a little apprehensive when from time to time it rears its head (no, not another euphemism).

If only I could follow Girls Aloud’s advice and let the funky music do the talking.

I think I occasionally get anxious because my experience has shown me that there are a great many people, young and old, gay and straight who continue to hold extremely out dated views and opinions around the subject.

There is still an enormous amount of stigma and prejudice towards people living with HIV which is fuelled by inaccurate, sensationalised press reports and poor education.

Disclosing has in the past for me altered friendships and affected social/sexual interactions both negatively and positively in some quite profound ways.
 It can be a real gamble disclosing and I never know upon which side the coin will land.

I dislike to be treated any differently once someone knows I am HIV+ and so as I sat opposite my colleague I held my breath, wondering whether I had done the right thing.

As she took a sip of her wine she smiled warmly, gently touched the back of my hand and continued the conversation on the pros and cons of oral sex.
I did say it was unusually intimate!

Ayez un mois grand!

X

• Read more