Perversely had it not been for my positive status I wouldn’t have met so many incredible people since diagnosis, or had some of the truly amazing experiences I have had. Every cloud and all that eh?
November 5th 2001 is a date seared on my memory. As I was being told I was HIV+ it felt like I was in the middle of an EastEnders episode, dramarama was something that happened to other people not me.
Through the mishmash of words that followed, the one and only thing I clung onto was that I was more likely to die of a heart attack in my 70’s, (this later became my mantra and helped me to get through some of the bleaker days that were to follow.)
Driving back in the dark from the clinic with fireworks exploding everywhere only enhanced the feeling of being in Albert Square. I felt numb, empty, confused, lost, stupid, ashamed but above all dirty.
The feeling of being unclean and riddled with disease almost consumed me for awhile and I took solace in self medicating with alcohol and partying hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if shares in Smirnoff during this period increased significantly.
However I was blessed with good friends and a clinic that offered the support I needed to get me through the initial shock and make the necessary readjustments which enabled me to ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’.
As I said, it’s been a bumpy road with some steep gradients and the occasional hair pin bend along the way.
Issues around disclosure, starting and changing meds, prejudice and stigma all rear their heads from time to time. But things always seem to work themselves out OK in the end. The virus is small and I try to make it a small part of my life.
It hasn’t prevented me from doing a job I love, or travelling to Malawi to work with VSO (Voluntary Services Overseas), or run the London and Brighton marathons, nor have some fantastic boyfriends.
What it has done is ensure that I grasp every opportunity that comes my way and to be ever thankful that I have a dedicated health care team looking after me.
I am really looking forward to continuing and sharing my HIV journey with you over the forthcoming months and I sincerely hope that my diary might from time to time strike a chord with you.
Until next time, live long and prosper.
Paul
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Mambo
National African HIV Prevention Programme
UK Border Agency
African AIDS Helpline
African Health Policy Network
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Age UK
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