January 2012

Well as this Christmas descended upon us it was something of a change from the usual round of invitations from well meaning friends.

Since my parents died and my long term partner I have become a bit of a “Bah Humbug “ attitude to the festive season however a group of old friends invited myself and my partner now of eight years to spend some time in a beautiful castle in Pembrokeshire West Wales. We agreed and made the journey with my guide dog accompanied by our two jack russell terriers to this remote destination not really knowing what was in store.

It ought to be said that before this holiday my input into various community groups working on a voluntary basis was becoming overloaded in terms of working hours with little down time to unwind. This was starting to have a negative effect on my relationship with my partner just because he was not allowing himself time to relax and work on his extensive gardening project.

Our arrival at the castle exceeded our best expectations in every way ,the property is owned by The Landmark Trust with a wonderful eccentric history ..many parties held there during the 1930s and of course over the centuries.

We were greeted by an enormous log fire in the vaulted drawing room creating immediately an atmosphere of tranquillity and peace. The location was spectacular with grounds extending to over an acre with long reaching views I’m told. Spiral stone stairs to the upper floors which was harrowing initially especially after a sherry or several.

Weather was fine with long sandy beaches for amazing walks ,swimming for the dogs but importantly time to reflect, gather thoughts and consider the year ahead. What was also different ..no television or Wi-fi... although it must be said that in the 21st century mobile phone signals reach even West Wales.

During the evenings we were able to endulge ourselves in conversation about stuff I don’t give time for usually, the arts, music, politics and listening to kids and what life is like for them as teenagers.

Oddly I discovered how out of touch I have been with the world outside HIV in part because of my voluntary work in Brighton and also in part because I don’t get out enough.

Perhaps this sounds tragic in some ways and says much about how I have become but believe me spending time with people working in the arts ,music and business brought me back to reality and earth with a big bump... not that our lives in the HIV world are unrealistic, for us they are all encompassing but reinforces my view that we as a community must re engage with the wider community and not shut ourselves away to be the forgotten few survivors.

My god-daughter made a remark which has shocked me in a good way:

We are the first generation of people living with HIV to reach older age and potentially live for many more years.

I funnily enough had not considered we are the first generation... so it is our responsibility to ensure the needsand expectations of older HIV gay men are heard.

Needless to say, all of my friends are aware of my health history including the kids who are very matter of fact about the HIV status, I guess because it has been normalised by their long term contact and friendship with me and my dead partner and latterly my HIV negative partner.

Whilst away I was able to get back into my yoga regime in conjunction with meditation and mindfulness... the location was perfect with few distractions and time and space to be the free spirit I have always been in my life.

Hedonism ?
Well I put my hand up to say that was my life for so many years but my old friends still with us have remained by my side some for over 30 years !..that takes some doing and still speaking to each other!
We had fun, laughter and some times of sombre reflection for those no longer celebrating the festive season with us.

New Years Eve was spent in Cardiff at a home of friends. Long gone are the days of celebrating the new year in in a night club or party. We sat in front of a lovely fire in the living room with a glass of champagne to again welcome 2012. I always allow time to look back over my shoulder at the past it is vital to remember everyone who has influenced me and those around me with love and fondness but life goes on regardless so we look forward to what this year has to offer.

Resolutions ?
I make them and break them! My vow was to allow myself some time to pursue other areas of interest and therefore restrict my input elsewhere but already accepting invitations to get more deeply involved with my existing voluntary stuff which is fantastic and indeed is evolving into something different.

My goal is to encourage peers to work with other peers to ensure more social interaction using lost or forgotten skills and talents which can be harvested and shared with so many people.

Our lost generation must have a voice to ensure those coming along behind us havean established route to follow and develop themselves.

Next Year ?
We have already received an invitation to spend the Christmaswith a similar group of old friends in a 13th Century priory in Somerset, I wonder what that will have in store and whether I will have achieved my goals for the year.

My life may sound grand but belive me it is not... like most we struggle to make ends meet all I know is that something makes me carry on fighting for what I believe in and dreaming of better things to come.

More soon and Happy New Year to all,

Richard

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