June 2011

Reflecting back on the previous month it seems to have been so very busy but what has actually been achieved in my life. Well firstly and most importantly are my energy levels and the variation day by day.

In previous diary entries I have touched on age within the HIV community and as we live longer and healthier lives what over and above natural ageing do we feel?

My conversation with my consultant goes part of the way to understand my point .It appears that those who have been living with HIV for over 15 years and taking meds are starting to show signs of early internal ageing.

What does that mean?

Well, sadly it means that in some cases we are experiencing more bone and joint pain than normal for our age. In fact it may be possible to connect our pain with a person much older which may mean we are experiencing premature skeletal ageing.

Research is now underway at UK clinics and elsewhere on the planet to study this issue .As we are the first generation to live with HIV for long periods of time it is a learning curve for others.

So, how does this account for my own energy drain? Well despite my other disability which is my sight loss I am, as you may have read before, a hardened trekker on the natural down land in this area. Indeed a seasoned walker when my body allows with my partner and three dogs. We are so very blessed with our surroundings here and a fantastic circle of friends so manage to get out and about whenever we can.

This must be so very frustrating for my partner who is not living with HIV. He is fit and very active so he surely must become tired of constantly offering me his care and support. I am aware at lounge meetings at THT of this specific topic of conversation that is sero discordant relationships. There are clearly some very successful relationships of this kind like my own but most guys feel the pressure of being in a relationship with a negative partner uncomfortable for them especially regarding sex. We all if we are honest enjoy sex unprotected with our partner but within a sero discordant relationship this is not possible without putting your partner at risk is it? Well, there are now studies that show that if the positive person is showing an undetectable viral load for more than six months then the likelihood of passing on the virus is negligible. Is that enough? Well not for me I have to say.

As my regular readers will remember, my last long term partner died some years ago after a long illness which was directly connected with HIV transmission so nothing will convince me to date although of course the whole management of our health is so much improved.

I feel from time to time that I represent part of an old regime of gay men who with their reckless lifestyles brought about our own demise but knowing what I do now this practice of barebacking, raw sex, sleaze, call it what you like, still persists perhaps in the belief that all it takes is a few pills to negate the effects of HIV?

Having said this many many men are very responsible about their sex habits; in fact it worries me that maybe they're missing out on some fun!

Well, my garden beckons me for some meditation so will finish up shortly.

Just one thing to mention. On Sunday 19th June at the Golden Handbag awards THT won the best organisation award. I was an invited guest of THT so well done all at THT Brighton never forgetting the volunteers who and only who make the organisation the success it enjoys locally .Without the support of the band of volunteers who give their time freely there would be no THT.

One more thing to mention which is on my mind - within the Brighton area there are some fantastic community based organisations working with and for those of us living with HIV who often go without thanks. Well, here today I personally pay tribute to those organisations, we all know who they are perhaps we ought to value their efforts even more in these times of decreasing funding .At the golden handbags awards I was very aware of how much hard work goes into the community by volunteers who we might wish to thank in whatever way we can.

Until next month readers … let’s hope for some real summer weather filled with happiness and fun.

Richard

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