May 2012

Throughout my volunteer experience at Terrence Higgins Trust, in conjunction with other HIV community groups in and around Brighton and Hove, I am struck as if by lightening with so many rich life stories of happiness and in many tragedy.

Naturally in the life of gay people we are blessed with so many diverse, talented and often hedonistic men and women it almost sometimes seems all too much to take in. I wonder how many reading this will resonate with my thoughts?

Over the last 5 years as a volunteer the part of our community which appears to be at risk in terms of loneliness is older gay men and women and in particular those living with HIV.

The memories shared within lounge peer led support groups could fill many volumes of best selling books.

The loss of loved ones through broken relationships, selfishness and gratification are outweighed by those who just cannot ever get over the loss of their partners, lovers and friends.

We all move on in life and for many the process is part of every day exploration of being making us self aware and I would like to think mindful of those around us within our community.

From where I am sitting within the community I feel proud to take a look into so many personal life stories many similar but all very different.

Statistically speaking those taking their own lives is higher within the gay community than any other also depression amongst HIV positive men is exceptionally high risk .These stats can be verified by NAM for information.

So many times within support groups people express their sadness which is part of life for all but all too often this translates into anxiety and potentially depression.

I’m not a qualified psychologist or clinician however when confronted with a person showing feelings of deep mood swings or depression which may manifest via recreational drug abuse, alcohol or just extreme loneliness refer to the professional team within THT or sign post to a specific organisation.

All to often this is to big a step as the simple effort of meeting at one of the community groups outside of organised support groups is all that is needed to inspire and help to re build self esteem and confidence.

Again taking statistical evidence over fifty per cent of the HIV population within Brighton and Hove have reached their 45th birthday. Now, this is not to say that everyone who is older is living with extreme sadness or even clinical depression but we all feel somewhere in between from time to time don’t we? Think about it please. I know that you do and how that can affect your life in so many ways.

The growth of peer led community groups working alongside established service providers like THT can be exactly what triggers that feeling of being heard and that those getting that little older matter. Meeting up with others feeling similarly at times is another way of sharing through mutual support.

THT must take the majority of praise here. Sometimes I hear negative responses within the community about THT and dominance but as I point out we all know that THT has been established for many years and form the cornerstone of every support service within the HIV sector.

Now, this does not mean that THT has to prop up every group working in the UK but we all in our hearts know that we get fantastic help when we most need it from those at THT. For example welfare advice and support, one to one counselling, Fastest and support, education and advice as well as condoms and lube .Also advice about other sexually transmitted infections for everyone in the community.

In our area various community groups exist now reaching out into the community to those whose lives have become bitter sweet and cant find their way forward or just want to meet likeminded people for coffee or a spot of lunch.it can be at almost any level.

Taking part in safe space activities is of huge benefit for building trust and confidence.

There are groups and websites now which are for life stories. A lot like this I am writing now for THT. My own life ticks all these boxes at some high and low points.

My partner is sitting not far from me now producing some master piece of sculpture, he is not HIV positive but has a great understanding of what is what which goes to show how everyone can live, love and work together.

Most years he and I would be in our garden which is a bio diverse heavenly space created mainly by my partner for the benefit of many .This year we are proud to have a good batch of tadpoles in our pond !We also have several nesting garden birds in carefully located nesting boxes which delights my heart.

Health? Mine is great I believe because of my mindful lifestyle, experience and acceptance of what life has to offer and has in the past albeit sweet or bitter.

Until the next time, keep well and mindful please.

Richard x