September 2011

It was almost surreal in Brighton, scorching temperatures on the first day of October with thousands of people enjoying the beach and swimming, quite extraordinary scenes but nonetheless wonderful for lifting the spirits. So, no log fires here as yet.

This season which is fondly called the golden time is a period of reflection over the hazy days of summer whilst preparing for the long cold months ahead.

Our garden here has been bountiful this year with much fruit in store along with herbs, chillies and a variety of edible nuts. My partner is a great forager and his knowledge of the countryside is outstanding in terms of edible wild food, fruit and herbs and nuts.

We have been through a tricky time lately perhaps because of our sero discordant relationship which now stands at almost 8 years.

My age may be impacting on our relationship now, strange really as when we met I was in my forties. Now I’m in my fifties I sometimes get the feeling he is kind of caring for an elder, which may be an issue in time.

Sadly my health has taken a turn this year with the onset of arthritis problems, scans, x-rays and a host of other tests have confirmed what I felt was going on with my skeleton. The long term exposure to anti retrovirals has accelerated the degeneration of my body frame which has manifested itself in back pain and lack of flexibility in my joint. I guess this has made my partner feel he is living with an older man now, as he is fit and younger.

The matter of bone problems seem to be increasing, as more groups I facilitate discuss how the life of service users is longer, and we enjoy good health and live active long lives.

This was a matter I became very aware of over the last 2 years listening to men talking about how their lives are developing. With this in mind we set up our community based peer group to look at ways of supporting men over the age of 45 in various ways both socially and holistically.

The engagement of peers has proved to be a challenge. We have enjoyed as part of our culture a series of linked services provided by well meaning individuals and organisations over the years. This is now changing very fast indeed.

Of course organisations like THT provide a great service to thousands of people living with or affected by HIV with a bold approach in terms of prevention and education with wonderful outreach work. Combined with this area of work THT provide support with welfare advice, one to one counselling, community support, group support and much more through dedicated staff members and volunteers.

However it is essential the peers living with HIV take on some of the community issues head on. For some this is easier than for others due to confidence, low self esteem and general poor health. It is a misconception to assume that because we have medication everyone is fit and well. Clearly for many this is the case which is fantastic but for others the story is very different.

Poor health, loss of career and earning potential in conjunction with feeling isolated and disengaged from your own community can have devastating knock on effects in terms of mental health which can be depression, lack of energy, despair, social isolation and poverty.

There are many more matters affecting our community now and these will be greater in years to come. We have to find a way to energise our community as many of the peers have specialist skills which are being lost or at worse ignored. Many long term or older gay men feel they are not being heard which needs to change.

I have been gladdened by the interest shown by many of my peers with clear peer leaders identifying themselves already and taking on new responsibilities which is great.

We have started on a small scale with a website designed and constructed by one of the peers; this is open to change but the fundamental concept is showing great success within a few months.

Health and well being are essential to a good active life for all of us and sharing our stories and supporting each other is a basic principle for our gay community.

We are fortunate here in Brighton as the community is strong and vibrant but wouldn’t it be good to see this across the community in the UK.

Big ideas I know and perhaps I am a naive older gay hippy but I do feel now is the time to act and take charge of our futures as we age.

Now, I can safely predict that next month my diary will be written from the light of a roaring log fire here.

Enjoy the autumn leaves and colours, this is a special time of year to be embraced and look to the future.

Richard

• Read more