January 2012

Even though I am glad to be able to talk about this almost unutterable word, let alone live through it. I am not happy that I knew very little about until it I started experiencing what I am told are still pre-menopausal symptoms. Considering I have so many older female relatives who are always bending my ear about one thing or the other, I am just surprised they missed this really crucial bit as they were trying to mould me into a woman!

Growing up in Uganda, I was always quite slim, bordering on too thin (if you ask my relatives), always felt cold and carried a jumper with me which I wore usually after sunset. My relatives wanted to constantly feed me because they thought I never ate enough. Some of them thought I was intentionally starving myself in order to preserve my slim figure. I have never felt the need to diet in my life, so I do not know what gave them that idea. It was just so irritating for me that they had come to their own conclusions about me, without bothering to ask me.

When I was diagnosed with HIV in 1988 and eventually started on AZT & DDI, the combination of the anxiety I had that time about my HIV status and side effects of the medication even made me lose weight. I really was rail thin! I remember while I was in the US, I got stopped a couple of times on the street by strangers, who asked me what I did to keep slim!

I told them I didn’t have try, I was just a naturally small framed person. In Uganda in about 1995, I was working at a duty free shop which was frequented by expatriates, one or twice a couple of them told me that I should stop slimming myself and just be happy with myself!

Well, many of those people who thought I was trying too hard to stay slim would be happy to see me now. A combination of ageing, side effects of medication, contentment has left me unable to stop gaining weight! For the first time in my life, I have had to start proactively exercising and rationing what I eat, which I think are all sensible things to do. A couple of years ago, I started getting pre menopausal symptoms – like hot flashes, irregular periods and a few more. I did not have a clue what was happening to me.

For a person who was almost always cold and had a light jumper permanently in my bag, I wanted to take of my clothes all the time because I was sweating profusely. This would usually happen when something was causing me anxiety – many times when I was about to speak or give a presentation, which I have to do a lot in my job. I was confused and thought, here is another surprise HIV was throwing me! I wasn’t too far off but still did not think of menopause. The symptoms continued for a period of about six months before I discovered what was happening to me. I had to install a fan at my desk at work.

Then one day after a male work colleague watched me in amusement for a few weeks switching the fan on and off and asked me what was going on. When I explained what was going on he talked to me about his Mother’s menopause and what she had done. So I started to search the internet for information, talked to other people and invested in some herbal remedies. Now I can gladly say, I am hot flash free and functioning relatively well, as well as a middle aged woman can. It is good to talk. Do not suffer in silence.

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